strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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