I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
