there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
