Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
