My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize