I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Boobs speak an international language.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize