how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
