just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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