I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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