I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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