We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
