Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
