I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
