her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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