end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
