I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
