she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
