Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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