i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
