So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
