How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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