i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I didn't notice because vodka
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
