I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
