It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
