It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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