I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
