carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
