He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And then my night got REAL pukey
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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