The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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