i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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