On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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