i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
