between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
