I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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