This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We need to get me chipped asap
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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