I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
