Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
