Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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