If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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