that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
