I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
