I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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