Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
