You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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