I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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