as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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