just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My vagina is officially offended.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
