I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
