If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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