rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
