It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
