she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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