My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
