so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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