There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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