My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
