we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the day after is always just damage control
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
