I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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