if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
