I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
