i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
