My room smells like vodka and shame
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
