Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize