someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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