I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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