she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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