okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
